BlogYYY
Friday, February 27, 2009,11:18 AM
He doesn't reply me in msn.
Idk if he dont want to reply or dont know what to reply.
Everyone says we should move on.
His friends & my friends both said so.
Maybe its what we should do.
But my heart tells me otherwise.
From the day i left,
I already couldn't move on.
My world already stop spinning.
Baby, u know why i asked
if u want to patch even thou I know i might be hurted again?
Cos these few days,
I know that even if u dont talk to me, dont pay attention to me.
I somehow still know if i try hard enough, if i initiate
you will turn and look at me.
Cos I know all the while I'm wrong.
I didn't care for your feelings
I'm so self-fish.
Maybe i really dont deserve a second chance.
,1:13 AM
I totally cant sleep ytd night.
I keep feeling nauseous.
Dont know is it because I didn't eat much this few days.
I don't know.
He's not on msn.
Wonder what is he doing.
Is he getting better from the cough & flu?
I hope he does.
Oh god. My body feels very weak now.
I better go find something to put down my throat.
Thursday, February 26, 2009,11:56 AM
I just asked baby if he would patch with me.
He says he need some time to think.
Actually, no matter his answer,
I already set my mind to love him forever.
Till I grow old & die.
It doesn't matter if i won't get married to him
it doesn't matter if he marry someone else.
I just need to know he is happy & doing well.
If his answer is yes,
I'm really happy to be attached to him.
& would love him fervently.
BUT if his answer is no,
I'll be sad.
But I would still love him,
just silently.
I dont want to torture him or make him sad.
All I want is for him to be happy,
it doesn't matter if he will be with me or not.
Cos I really love him so nothing else matters not even how i feel.
I finally understand this after all these days.
& in fact I feel so light now.
Cos finally I know. Him being sad makes me sad.
Him being happy makes me happy.
,9:31 AM
We wont even have the chance to patch.
I dont have the rights to love him anymore.
Cos I initiated the break.
Its my fault.
I couldnt have him back.
& I dont want to torment him anymore.
Everything i say seems to hurt him so much.
I dont want him to be hurted.
I want him to be good & well.
I will leave as i promised
BABY, i really love u alot.
But it will remain in my heart from now.
I won't disturb u anymore cos i love u.
,7:18 AM
Just came back from na na jiejie house.
I need him.
I miss him.
My life doesn't mean anything without him with me.
Tat says if he really love me,
we will patch someday no matter what.
But maybe I'm not important
thats why he doesn't care.
原来心可以那么那么痛。
Wednesday, February 25, 2009,10:33 AM
went out with joy,bird & cck
just reached home.
I realised that he had filled every single part of my life.
When i see my friend sweating cos he is eating spicy,
I cant stop but to think of him.
How i used to help him wipe off his sweat.
How i find him so cute even when he is sweating.
And how he would protect me cos I'm afraid of dogs & cats.
How he would chase them away for me,
holding me in his arms,
telling me there is nothing to be afraid of.
I just realised how important he is.
Unknowingly, he had already filled up my entire life.
& I realised, I couldn't do without him.
,5:06 AM
started eating.
,1:41 AM
25feb-cried myself to bed last night again.
I read through some sms that we sent we each other in the past.
We loved to see each other at that point
We would miss each other every single moment,
hoping to spend more time with each other.
I would miss the feeling of his hands fitting so perfectly into mine.
He would blush when i look into his eyes.
But what gone wrong between us?
Slowly, there wasn't anymore of these sweet sms-es.
He don't even fit his hands into mine.
So i took the initiative to hold his hands.
At first, 2-3 days not seeing him is such a torture.
Slowly, he don't even seems to be keen to meet me
even after not meeting for 3days.
What happened to our promises,
that we couldn't live without one another?
Why ain't we holding on to each other like the most precious treasure we had.
Like you say.
"Whatever, no point saying all these anymore."
yes. It is over.
yet i don't know why tears keep blurring my visions.
My heart keep feeling so hurted.
Why do i feel there is no more point living in this world without you.
God, take me away from here
cos i couldn't take anymore pain.
God, why did you bring him to me
& relight my heart
then make him break my heart again.
All i wish is that i could fade away
nothing in this world mean anything more without you by my side.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009,8:03 AM
24feb-it havent even been 24hr since we break up.
But i'm crying ever second.
I cant stop.
I miss u.
Down here crying, i talking happily to Sebast.
I dont want anyone to know that I'm sad
except for maybe tat & joy.
I just msn-ed Joy cos she saw my blog & came to talk to me.
Girl, we still have each other.
We can cry together just like when we were young.
Girl, i really feel so xin ku & bad.
promise that u will stay with me k.
I really cant take anything more now.
I long thought I was already numb,
then i tried to give both of us a chance.
but dear, its already no point keep you with me when you dont treasure me.
It will hurt me more.
sorry, I'm selfish.
but, the r/s is dead
,6:33 AM
:( Why do I still feel so bad.
I just woke up from sleep which suppose to help when I'm sad.
But i just cant stop thinking.
I wanted to know how is him.
Is he ok?
I try to grab every single information I can get of him.
I guess he is fine.
Still online, still on facebook, still gaming, still listening to songs.
He will be fine.
:(
As for me, I'm losing my appeitate.
I'm losing interest in everything.
But I have to hide infront of my friends & family.
Especially, mama.
I dont want them to see me cry.
I dont want them to worry.
Every second, I'm trying my very best to prevent the tears from leaking out.
Every second, I feel like crying.
Every second, I feel like giving up on myself.
Its over.
Monday, February 23, 2009,11:54 PM
24 Feb 2009.
It is the end.
It is no point holding on to a person that takes you for granted.
I should learn to love myself more.
I could no longer take the coldness.
Maybe our heat dies down.
I wasn't perfect for you. I asked but i din give enough.
Everything is too late now.
All i can do is to learn to be strong by myself.
*drives out the suicidal thoughts! SHOO!
When you look back, I'm no longer here waiting.
Sunday, February 22, 2009,5:34 AM
:( 22 Feb 2009.
We started on 10 Jan 2009.
Maybe we didnt know about each other deeply
and just got together rashly.
We are running out of topics.
Your answers on msn to me is always "..." " ohh, icic"
">.>" or "lol"
It seems like u are not keen in having a conversation.
Then, lets not talk.
I dont want to have a one side conversation with myself.
Monday, February 2, 2009,8:14 AM
I just changed my PM to: i dont want to be behind u waiting anymore.Baby, i want to say, i really hates it when you are talking to me but your heart is not with me,
body being with me but your heart flies elsewhere.
Baby, sometimes i feel that i dont want to be here waiting for you anymore.
I'm always waiting for you like a puppy waiting for its owner to come home.
I dont want to be such a pathetic girl.
If you really treasure me like you said, prove it to me.
I really want to last with you. I really do, please dont make me change my mind.
Many things I dont want to say to make you sad.
Baby have you realised we are not even one month old now.
And we are already drifting apart slowly, can we last for a lifetime?
I'm not sure of our future anymore. Can you make it sure for me?
Hello. I'm HESTER. I'm eight-teen years old. I love BABY, but i hate